My crotch

My crotch is not in a happy place right now. I've done a lot of biking this weekend, and the crotch had to stand me up for a serious discussion this morning:

Me: Wait, can't I sit for this serious discussion?
My crotch: Oh, you want to sit? Okay, fine, you go ahead and do that.
Me: Fine, I will and -- AAARGH!
My crotch: How'd that sitting thing work out for you?
Me: I hate you! Why do you hurt me like this?
My crotch: Me? ME? Why do I hurt you? You're the one who did this! I'm the victim here!
Me: What did I ever do to you?
My crotch: 8 miles! 8 miles you did to me! On that - that - that CROTCH KILLER! (My crotch starts sobbing.)
Me: I didn't know it would be like that. The seat looked . . . okayish.
My crotch: You have ridden that bike before, miss! You knew this would happen!
Me: . . . Maybe. Or, maybe I thought you were tough enough to take it. Pussy!
My crotch: Exactly!
Me: Fine, I'll look for a new seat, but until I find one I like, you're just going to have saddle up, because I will not miss a single Farmer's Market this summer.
My crotch: No. Ohhhhhh, no. You want to go anywhere? You take the feet.
My feet: Whaaaa? I heard that! I have been carting this bitch all over hell's half acre since last fucking summer! I want a break!
Me: No! No breaks for anyone! You people will work for your keep!
My crotch: Oh, I thought I already was. Or you think that nightly workout is all fun for me?
Me: Hell, yeah I do.
My crotch: Oh, it's not bad. I'm just saying, it would be nice not to have to do all the work every time. Maybe bring in a helper?
Me: Oh. That was low. That was really low.

Now we're not talking to each other. We'll have to see how this works out. Maybe make-up sex?

I've been home sick for two days now. Both days I've sent an email to my supervisor telling him I'm sick and I won't be in. Both days his response has been "okay."

You know, I don't give a fuck just how emotionally stunted you are. At the age of 40, you should have somehow, somewhere, picked up the idea that if someone tells yout hat they're sick, you should say "Get well soon" or some equivalent.

"Okay," my ass.