Conversations

While we're at work and everyone else has already left for the day.

Papa Bear: Okay, I'm just going to steal the clementine Paige left on her desk. I'll leave a note -- "Sorry, your orange had to leave."
Me: What? No!
Papa Bear: I'll steal it if I want.
Me: Yes, fine, steal it. But that note? It's crap. When for the rest of your life will you another chance to quote "Oh My Darling Clementine?"
Papa Bear: Hmmm. You have a point.
Me (singing): "I am lost and gone forever, oh your darling clementine . . ." Oh, it works!
Papa Bear: Yeah, it really does. (He walks away.)
Me: Wait, you forgot your clementine!
Papa Bear: Oh, I changed my mind.
Me: What? No! You have to steal it! We'll never have another chance like this!
Papa Bear: Nah, I don't feel like it.
Me: TRAITOR! STEAL THAT ORANGE!
Papa Bear: No, thanks.

He should've taken it. Theft serving a good joke is always excusable.

God, he hurts me.