Every night before I go to bed, I say the same little prayer:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord of sex to dream,
And if I die before I wake,
I pray I had a good sex dream first.

Okay, maybe not so much every night as just last night, but the point is I firmly believe that it is the solemn duty of my subconscious to compensate for my lack of getting any in real life. To date, said subconscious has failed to get with the program. I've only ever had one -- ONE! -- measly sex dream. And though I enjoyed it in the dream, I was fairly squicked out when I woke up. Still, I pray for dreams of sex, with little hope of it happening.

But then, last night, it happened! A sex dream! Even as I was dreaming it, I was thinking "Finally!" Unfortunately, before we could really get down to it, the people whose house we'd broken into to have sex in their bed came home, and he had to run off whilst I nonchalantly made conversation with the people who never thought to ask what the fuck I was doing there. And then I woke up. So, no, there was no actual sex. Naked in bed, yes. Sex, no.

I'd like to give my subconscious kudos for making an effort, but I would also like to inform it that it needn't bother trying if it's going to make me have sex with men with scuzzy little mustaches. Really, let's not even bother next time if that's the best we can do, okay?